Friday, July 3, 2009

The sky is falling...

I haven't updated in a while because I haven't had the heart to do so. In mid-April, Mark and I began discussing the possibilities of a separation. At first it was difficult to believe. I mean, we've been together for 10 years and have a child together. I can't imagine what life will bring without him. One thing is certain (and that we can both agee) is that we definitely need a change. I have been really isolated here in San Antonio. Since I worked from home, I didn't have very much exposure to the outside world. Mark works opposite shifts, so we have not been able to socialize very often. I have absolutely no family here, so it has been a very lonely existence.
I went to Atlanta on vacation with this weighing heavily on my mind.
I wasn't sure what to say or even whether to broach the subject with my family. After all, if we were able to work everything out, I didn't want my family's opinion of Mark to be colored by challenges that we were able to overcome. He is a wonderful guy. I never want him to feel less than welcome with my family. As it turned out, while I was there, the other shoe fell. I found out that I was soon to be without a job. This forced action. Stay in San Antonio, working full time, coming home to an empty house? Move to Atlanta, work full time, but have family and friends for support and interaction? I have been working towards getting myself re-located to Atlanta. I have taken 4 very challenging exams in the hopes of securing a teaching position on a provisional certification. I have applied for several positions without any bites, yet. I am so very sad right now. My last day working was June 30. July 1, I was itching to log on to the home office computer to get my work done, and finally ended up leaving the house so I could get it off my mind. It's just as well, since my former employer called while I was out to ask me questions about where things were saved on the server. I wasn't home to take the call. I am confident that with time and distance these fellings will pass. I am now having to get motivated to pack. Sorting through and separating our stuff is so difficult. I have to make decisions not only on what I need, but also what I am willing to leave behind forever, in case Mark decides not to join me. Change is painful and difficult, but I think that in the end things are going to work out for the best, whatever the best may be. Watch this space, there are giong to be alot of updates coming....

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